Religion vs. Relationship: The Spiritual Growth Shift
"These people honor Me with their lips, but their hearts are far from Me.” Matthew 15:8 (NLT).
I asked God to lead me through this shift. I was tired and mentally drained. In the past, I had dabbled into tarot cards, Buddhism, and New Age spirituality, searching for peace and a sense of belonging. The kicker is I grew up in church, and my mom is a Pastor, attended a very conservative Christian school... So what was missing? Why was I so confused when I should have been grounded? Out of everything I explored, Christianity was the one thing that always kept me grounded and gave me a sense of guidance but deep down, I still felt like something was missing.
If there was Peace in Christ, why was I having these
thoughts?
Through persevering in my spiritual growth, even when it was hard, I stayed determined. I remember my first “a-ha” moment, it came when I realized I hadn’t built a true, personal relationship with God. I believed I was a born-again Christian. I had accepted Christ as my Lord and Savior, but deep down, I knew I hadn’t truly connected with Him on a personal level.
I remember asking myself: What does a real relationship look like in real life? What do we do to build and maintain one?
That was the moment I realized I was nowhere near developing that with Christ. The word “relationship” is used so loosely that we often take it's meaning for granted. The prayers, the scriptures, the routines, they were there, perhaps even performative, but very surface-level. I was going through the motions, not truly connecting.
A genuine relationship teaches you understanding, not just
expectation. It is built on trust, not performance. You don’t grow through
comfort, you grow through connection, through effort, and through learning.
Religion says: Do more. Be better.
Relationship says: Come closer. Know Me.
Now I see the difference. Real spiritual growth comes from
seeking Him, trusting Him, and building with Him, rather than just going through
the motions with expectations.
And honestly, the result? Scripture hits completely
different now. I read it and think, wow… this is really fire. Understanding it better is an understatement😆.
Life in Survival Mode
Romans 5:3-4 (NLT): “3 We can
rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help
us develop endurance. 4 And endurance develops
strength of character, and character strengthens our confident hope of
salvation.”
As an only child, that responsibility became even heavier when both my parents became terminally ill. That was a turning point for my mental health, it drained me. My parents lived in another state, and I was trying to balance being their caretaker while grieving them at the same time. Honestly, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever experienced. I don’t think grieving someone who is still alive is being discussed enough, it’s another level of pain.
Through all of this, I was still doing my best, holding onto
a very demanding corporate executive role.
The pressure became unbearable.
Hitting Rock Bottom
Eventually, I walked away from my job. I literally walked out and sent my resignation via email, that’s how mentally drained I was. I just couldn’t carry it anymore. I did my best to lean on Romans 5:3–4: 'We rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope."- (NLT).
But in reality? I was barely holding on.
Finding new employment felt impossible, and financially, I hit rock bottom. I lost everything, filing for Chapter 7 bankruptcy, facing eviction notices, dealing with court dates, friends, relationships. At the same time, I was grieving the loss of my dad who had passed during all this, while still caring for my mom who is in palliative care with early signs of dementia. They were married for almost 50 years, so she leaned on me as I supported her through her grief, all while trying to hold myself together.
The exhaustion, the fear… everything was spiraling.
I was doing all the spiritual work but nothing seemed to
change. Just silence.
And that’s where everything began to shift…
In the middle of it all, I broke.
I kept asking myself…
why me?
When does this end?
In addition, I felt like I was also honoring my parents like the Bible instructed so where was the favor? Exodus 20:12 (NLT) says: "Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long full life,…" But if I’m being honest, I started questioning everything. Where was the
promised blessings? How did I end up here, facing eviction, court? I felt
ashamed. Like a failure.
And then a deeper question hit me:
Was I
spiritualizing endurance and mistaking it for true surrender?
I was trying so hard to stay
strong that I called it faith, when deep down I was just exhausted, holding
everything together on my own. Real surrender feels different, less dramatic,
like finally loosening your grip and admitting you don’t have to carry it all
by yourself anymore.
It can feel like you’ve been calling your pain “faith” because you kept going, even when you were breaking inside. But there’s a difference between forcing yourself to endure and truly surrendering to God. Endurance says, “I have to hold this together,” while surrender whispers, “Lord, I can’t do this without You.”
If you’re feeling this low, it doesn’t mean
your faith is failing, it may mean your heart is asking for rest, honesty, and
real help, not just more strength.
I had run out of options for a shift, nothing
was working. Through this, I realized my endurance had turned into survival,
and my survival had no peace in it. I was going through the motions.
That’s when I knew, I wasn’t surrendering. I was just holding on.
Real surrender came when I finally said: “God, I trust
You, even here.” I had tried fixing things my way, and I gave up. “Please
meet me here with Your mercy.”
And that shift… saved me.
As a Christian, endurance and surrender can look similar on
the outside, but they feel very different on the inside.
Endurance says: “I’ll keep going.”
Surrender says: “God, I trust You while I go.”
The shift happens when you stop trying to control everything and start releasing it to God. When your prayers become more honest than perfect. When you let go of needing to understand and choose to trust instead. The Bible says suffering produces endurance (Romans 5:3–4), but we’re also told to cast our cares on Him (1 Peter 5:7). That means we’re not meant to carry it all on our own.
For me, surrender didn’t mean giving up, it meant finally admitting: “God, I can’t do this without You.” And strangely, that’s where the peace started. It was a struggle, I must admit but God helped me and is still working with me through it. Amen.
Facing the Final Court Date: God’s Favor
But nothing happened. Just silence.
“What is going on?”
I was spiraling. and in that moment, I felt like nothing would matter anymore. I questioned my purpose. Through that confusion and brokenness, as I prayed relentlessly, God spoke with a whisper in my spirit…
“I’ve got you.”
“I’m still here.”
God wasn’t in the chaos I was focused on, He was in the stillness I had been avoiding. The whisper didn’t come with answers. It came with assurance.
“I’m with you in this.”
“Trust Me, even here.”
And for the first time, I stopped trying to figure everything out. I stopped trying to control the outcome. I stopped striving. I just sat in His presence. That’s when I realized God was never silent. I was just overwhelmed by the noise of fear, expectations, and pressure. And in that quiet moment, I felt peace. I was led to Proverbs 3:5–6 (NLT): “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.”
Not because everything changed, but because I knew I didn’t have to carry it alone anymore, Amen.
Walking in Faith
The dreaded final court date came for the verdict. That morning, I went to court early, and decided just as in Joshua 6:20, when the Israelites marched around Jericho as God had instructed and the walls came crashing down their enemies when they felt helpless, I walked around the entire court building, praying, praising, and pleading the blood of Jesus. I called on the God of Elijah to show up and send down fire, to take authority over the courtroom. Indeed, during my hearing, God moved in my situation with favor, peace, and divine intervention. Amen! The judge and the plaintiff’s attorney were very kind and understanding, giving me more time to pay off my past bills. While the debt is still there, I believe and trust that God will make a way with my effort, of course to clear it up. Amen.
Prayer really works. It may not happen the way you want, but you can trust God’s will and His timing. Honestly through all this all I could think was…
I would have never seen God move.
I would have never experienced His goodness.
I would have never had the chance to keep going.
Now I have another chance to rebuild, to grow, to see what God will do next. Amen.
That stayed with me. Because sometimes the breakthrough isn’t everything changing overnight, it’s realizing you still have breath,
you still have a choice,
you still have time.
And as long as you’re here, God is not finished with your story.
One more day can change everything.
A Message to You
If you’re reading this and you’re tired, overwhelmed, or feel like giving up…
PLEASE PAUSE.
God is still writing your story.
Think about the Israelites in the Old Testament, how much they struggled with disobedience and complained, but God always made a way, every single time. And He will do the same for you. Trust Him, okay💕.
When negative thoughts come, and they will, anchor yourself into Proverbs 3:5–6 (NLT): “Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Seek His will in all you do, and He will show you which path to take.”
And also hold onto this promise in Isaiah 41:10 (NIV): “So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
You don’t have to have everything figured out.
You don’t have to be strong all the time.
Just don’t give up.
Take it one day at a time. One step at a time. One prayer at a time.
Because even here, especially here,
God is with you.
And your story is not over yet. Romans 8:28 (NIV): "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who[a] have been called according to his purpose."
Please try to make the best of and even try to find joy in the season you’re in, even if it doesn’t feel good right now. Make the best out of today. Just today. If tomorrow feels like too much, focus on getting through this moment.
Right now, I have days that I feel stuck. Some days, it’s even a challenge to leave the house. But instead of staying in that space, I’m choosing to blog because it uplifts me and brings me real joy. I’m also working on projects, my side hustles, and I’ve realized something, you’d be amazed at how creative you can become when life slows down. I am no way perfect, also trying as hard as you may be and so far, it is working, Amen. Sometimes I go through my projects and I am honestly dismayed that something this great came out of me, lol, Amen😁. Even I am perplexed when asked... Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NLT): “There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.”
Remember, this is a season. Not your whole story.
Shift your thinking, even if it’s little by little. Believe that God is with you, even when you don’t feel it. Psalm 34:18 (NIV): "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." This doesn’t mean becoming passive or accepting stagnation, no. It means choosing to move, even if it’s slow.
Stay intentional. Keep a positive attitude, take the 'L' if you have too😉, keep job searching. Keep creating. Keep growing spiritually. Stay in prayer. Trust that God is guiding you even when it’s unclear and move forward with Purpose, Amen.
Some days, being intentional might just mean getting out of bed.
Some days, it might mean sending one email.
Some days, it might mean simply choosing to stay.
And that counts. Amen!
The outcome may not look the way you hoped, and that’s hard. But it’s NOT the end. It’s part of the process. Take the lesson, grow through it, and keep going.
Because staying one more day can change everything.
You don’t have to have it all figured out today.
You just have to not give up today.
And if that’s all you can do right now,
As previously discussed, continue to Seek Him. Talk to Him. Learn His Word. Even in your lowest place, He hears you. And if it feels like no one else cares, God does. Deeply. Personally. Unconditionally. Detox yourself from leaning on friends or family, rely on God instead, he never fails. Luke 1:37 (NLT): "For the word of God will never fail."
I know this because I’ve lived it. I’m not a “perfect Christian.” I struggle. I’m human. My walk with Christ is a process, day by day.
This is real. This is my life.
God met me in my brokenness and He can meet you too.
You are still here for a reason.
Please stay.
And I’m hopeful.
And if you’re reading this…
so are you.
Hugs 🤗, I love you... 💕
🙏 Let’s Pray:
Quiet their mind. Remind them they matter. Show them that their life still has purpose. Even if all they can do is breathe, let that be enough. Whisper to them: “I’ve got you.” Create opportunities for them to grow spiritually, and give them the strength to endure.
For those who have survived the darkness, thank You, Lord, for carrying them through. Continue to bless them with courage, clarity, and growth in their walk with You. May each step be rooted in trust, hope, and surrender, knowing their story is still unfolding. In Jesus’ name we pray, Amen🙏.
Through all of this, one thing became very clear to me, PLEASE be mindful when speaking on mental health. Lived experience matters. Compassion and understanding will always go deeper than words alone. If you haven’t lived it, be very careful speaking on it because someone’s life may be on the other side of your words.
One of the reasons I started this blog was because in my moments of despair, there wasn’t much online, books or any resources that truly spoke to me or helped. I could tell most were not coming from lived experiences and instead of helping, it left me feeling even more frustrated, unseen, and alone.
So please, my dear Christian brothers and sisters, be very careful. Speak from what you have truly experienced. Don’t speak from what you think you know. When we speak without understanding, we can end up doing harm to people who are already fighting to stay. We can easily deepen someone’s pain when we’re meant to help carry them. Galatians 6:2 (NIV): “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ."
Be the reason someone stays, NOT the reason they lose hope. 1 Timothy 4:12 (NLT): "...Be an example to all believers in what you say, in the way you live, in your love, your faith, and your purity."
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